The Setting of Emotional Turbulence in Remember Me

Linda said...

In your book Remember Me, the character Mary Margaret goes through alot in her life, and I don't understand why she gives up in the end. It seems like she's smart, but she doesn't "get it." I just wanted to smack her and say, "wake up!"

Thanks for the great question, Linda.  During my own divorce in '95, I watched many families struggle with the family court system.  If people cannot agree, the cases go on and on, family resources are depleted, and when domestic violence is present, it is often exacerbated because the inept system is used as a weapon of abuse.  

In researching for the book, I spent a great deal of time interviewing family members in divorce and family court, and heard countless stories of suicide, hopelessness and despair.  I felt there was an important statement to be made, and that we can do better with our laws and in our courts for families in these situations. I also spent a great deal of time consulting with psychologists and therapists on the subject, and on how to develop a character that would eventually succumb to despair.  

While half way through my second novel, I was inspired to create a trilogy that would resurrect the Mary Margaret character from Remember Me, and redeem her.  I agree with you, she is smart and has many possibilities before her, but in Remember Me she also is trapped in a mindset of worthlessness that family violence reinforces for her.  It seems to me a slap would be just another slap to her, as it is to many men and women caught in the web of domestic abuse that our current societal norms and laws support by inadequate court action and looking the other way.

Your good question, Linda, leads me to one of my own.  At what point in our lives to we begin to examine and understand our emotions, what role they play in our lives, and how they enrich or limit us?

The Death of a Character Gives Life New Meaning

Jim said...

I finally got around to reading your book, remember me, something I've been meaning to do for awhile. One question, why did you kill of your main character?

This is a great question, Jim, thanks for asking it. The Mary Margaret character in Remember Me died for reasons intrinsic to both the story of Remember Me and to the larger story of my trilogy of novels. Each of my three novels examines love and loss from different viewpoints, and all three together examine love, life and death, as they fundamentally effect our experience.

Because Remember Me was written as a plea for reform in US family courts, it was important for the main character to die because each year, thousands of people take their own lives or have their lives taken as a result of the ineptitude of the US family court system. To research my book, I spent countless hours in family court, listening to these stories and interviewing litigants. There is an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness in domestic violence cases because weak laws, inexperienced State's Attorneys, and burned out judges allow cases to go unresolved or perpetrators to go free, empowered to continue the violence. The death of this character and destruction of this family was a common story in US family court.

Looking at the larger canvas of the trilogy, on the journey of the spirit, the death of the ego is the first step to be taken toward enlightenment. Some say, for instance, that the Tibetan Book of the Dead is actually a manual for ego death. The Mary Margaret character in Remember Me never catches on to this process as she cannot let go of her egotistical concerns, and suffers her losses, defining herself with loss and pain. Because this is a dead end for a journey of the spirit, her death frees her spirit to begin again.

In the second novel, Chasing Twilight, the character is resurrected, and begins to understand the importance of ego death and resurrection of being – or consciousness raising. So, her journey can continue and the concept of death takes on new meaning. With death, comes rebirth and the cycle of life is felt in the soul.

This will bring up interesting questions in the third novel, Shadow Dancing: What is death? What parts of us die while we live? How is this integral to being and becoming?

I sincerely hope you enjoy the stories and the concepts. Thanks again.

Artwork by Moira Marshall Many thanks.

Discussion of Remember Me in response to Fred

Hi Molly,I read your first novel, Remember Me. Having been through a divorce, I was struck by the realism of the story. Was it taken from your own life?

Hi Fred,
Thanks so much for your comments. I think all writers pull at least some of their work from their experience. I am no exception. However, I researched extensively for this book while sitting in divorce and family courts, talking to people with cases being heard. I was there so often listening to peoples' stories that many of the attorneys and police officers that worked in the courthouse thought that I was an attorney!

One of the things that struck me in my discussions, and prompted the idea for this book, was the hopelessness sometimes felt when families going through divorce cannot get resolution from the court process. If these folks could agree, most of them wouldn't need to be in court. And yet so often, the court is reluctant to rule and instead insists on numerous court appearances, hoping that the divorcing parties will come to agreement in the mean time. It was this stasis that seemed to create some of the stories of suicide and domestic violence that this book was based upon. I'm not an attorney and not sure what the answers are. But I thought that presenting the problems in this form was very important. Thanks for asking.

Very truly yours,
Molly Brogan