Without a Word, an excerpt

Word

If only I could get into their minds, get to their words, since I cannot leave this chair to accept their offering.  If only I could understand, could know exactly how they color me, color themselves, then maybe…

Light

If only I could crawl behind their eyes and see what it is they select for their minds, select for the feelings that flow from their senses beneath their soft white skins.  The feelings that build and subside like ocean waves.  Together we could ride those waves.  And in this togetherness we could create a life for the ocean, a level for its motion.

Word

We would ride those waves as I do now, alone, in dream…Imagine – floating on top of the surf that rises, in rhythmic, undulating changes.  Rises to meet the white sky.  And as it descends, the sky is cast with the color of a prismatic sunset.  But now, in this space, my thoughts sink through coherent light, falling lower and lower into my darkness, searching for a semblance of time.  And as it sinks, my mind tells me that there is no connection.  That my thoughts cannot be theirs, even in word, in knowing, in screaming…for my scream is silent.

Dream

Space sinks in mink like a semblance of screaming connection, like a silent thought that falls to meet a final word, the word that sinks in sunset

Their my sinks in thought like darkness, searching the silent light for connection, for semblance like a scream searching for space

My mind sinks, searching for connection, searching for the light of thought in space, lowering the scream into a final, knowing heart

The connection sinks in word, a final, even darkness as in my heart a sunset screams for light, searching for a silent knowing

Shadow

During dream, shadow moves across the stage using her/his arms, in almost a swimming motion, reaches the door, and claws it with his/her hands like a dog paddling. 

Mirror

The door opens, mirror appears with a mask painted with the colors of a sunset.  Mirror rocks head back and forth a few times, then slams the door.

Shadow

 Shadow rolls back to the rug.

Word

Oh, that door…

Dream

That door that door that door that door that door that door that door that door

Word

Thoughts and visions

Dream

Thoughts and visions thoughts and visions thoughts and visions thoughts and visions

Light

Thoughts come in vision. 

Word

That’s it!  What is known is know through vision.  I take it from me, and give it to their words, so that they may have it.  But how do they take it?

Dream

Take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it

Word

Take this silent offering that screams in word.  How can this window be?  When what I see within, they see without.  Without me, but with me.

Shadow

Shadow stands and begins to shuffle in circles.

Dream

Within without within without within without within without within without

Word

I am within, I am without.  Here in this space, now looking to see the vision welling up inside in waves

Light

I see it, I feel it, I understand it, I know it, I take it, I give it, they see it, they feel it, they take it, they give it…

Word

Yes, I dreamt it last night.

Light

I dreamt myself sitting above a massive white sphere, with color revolving, the color mine, evolving around it.

Word

And in the dream I reached for the color and as I reached and touched, the color entered me, entered my body and rushed through my veins like a surging stream.  And as the color took shape in my mind, the shape of a million faces, color poured out of my eyes and returned to its orbit around the sphere.

Shadow

Shadow approaches the door in circular steps as dream:

Dream

I you he she it we you they I you he she it we you they I you he she it we you they

Mirror

The door opens, Mirror appears wearing a white, circular mask painted with orbital colors.  Shadow and Mirror meet in motion.

Dream

Me you him her it us you them me you him her it us you them me you him her it us you them

Mirror

Mirror recedes, the door slams.

Shadow

Shadow returns to rug in circular steps and stands while dream:

Dream

I me you you he him she her it it we us you you they them I me you you he him she her it it we us you you they them

Word

But what if…loathsome chair, I am not a child again.

Dream

Am am not am am not am am not am am not am am not am am not am am not

Word

But what if…

Artwork Robert Parker    Many thanks.

Excerpted from Without a Word by Molly Brogan

To Resist, or Resist Not - Does It Make a Difference?

RESISTANCE RECONCILES OPPOSITION AND GUIDES US FROM DUALITY TO NON DUALITY

Resistance itself is a tool for learning.  At the age of two, we learn the wonderful power of NO, and continue to use it until sometime as an adult we learn, that there isn’t no, there is only yes.  Because even when we use the word no, we are consenting to something – either feeding our ego by insisting that things go our way, or allowing our experience to flow with grace by offering “no” to others as a learning tool.  When we know the difference, we know that there is no other.  And no becomes yes.

Resistance itself is a measure of opposition, and there are enormous lessons to be learned and skills to acquire in reconciling opposites.  Indeed, many of the sacred teachings see the soul as having a function of reconciling opposites in fulfilling karma, repenting sin or mastering kundalini. On the conscious level, problem solving, conflict resolution and negotiating are all basic skills that are learned from childhood to adulthood.  They define our resilience and efficacy, and require mastery of resistance.  It is in the reconciliation of opposites as, often through paradox, as in the practice of Tao (“The cause and the effects are aspects of the same, one thing.  They are both mysterious and profound.  At their most mysterious and profound point lies the "Gate of the Great Truth.")  The practice of Tao requires that we can finally let go of our need for resistance and move in unity.

If we are living in a state of mind that is peaceful, does not judge, allows each their own view, and can hear and see spirit in all of experience - our direct experience will reflect peace, not violence to us. Each step of the process is formed by who we are in the moment.

Artwork Wassily Kandinsky  Black Violet.  Many thanks.

Excerpted from All About Living by Molly Brogan

Guardians of the Threshold

OUR OWN FEARS GUARD THE THRESHOLD TO SPIRIT AND OUR ENTRY

I love Rudolph Steiner's story about the Guardians of the Threshold, who guard our entry into spiritual awareness, until we understand that one Guardian is the golden part of us who's beauty is too blinding and we must look away (or accept our self worth) and the other Guardian is our dark nature that holds the archetypes of the thief, whore, and all other undesirable natures that we look away from and cannot own up.  Until we do, we cannot cross the threshold.  Once we do, the guardians vanish, because they ARE us. 

I think it is worth noting, that according to the Steiner teaching, once the threshold is crossed, the experience of the seeker changes to one who's experience does not contain direct violence and chaos - because duality is transcended, harmony can rule the day.  It does not mean that duality no longer exists, only that it is no longer the experience of the seeker who has crossed the threshold. 

You cannot cross the threshold into integration until you know that you can illuminate darkness yourself.  The first Guardian contains all of our fears in aspects of good and evil. These fears prohibit our crossing the Threshold until we reconcile all good and evil within and see them interwoven into our whole being.  The unseen then becomes seen. 

The second Guardian, our golden shadow, is a sublime, luminous beauty impossible to describe.  It holds our highest potential, and our low self image and our perceived limits keep us from embracing this Guardian and crossing the Threshold.  To embrace the second Guardian we must realize that our highest possibilities (unseen) within ourselves creates our character and that our world of sense is a seed ground for the higher world.  By embracing the second Guardian, everyone is redeemed and all are connected.  We cannot cross the threshold in separation.

Excerpted from All About Living by Molly Brogan
Artwork by Alejandro Silveira Bruno.  Many thanks.

All About Living With Our Fears

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GUARDING THE THRESHOLD TO OUR POTENTIALITY, FEAR CONSUMES OUR ASPECTS AS WE INSIST ON IT

You need only watch the evening news to see how fear driven humanity has become. So much of what the media presents displays and exacerbates our fears that we have to wonder, how much of our daily individual experience includes fear? Do we need fear? Can we live without it? 

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From my experience, I can tell you that the longer I treat fear as a signal to feel my total connection to life, and have faith that what will happen next will be in accordance with my highest potential, the less fear I experience. Things that triggered fear 5 years ago do not now. By not allowing the feeling to become emotion, (feeling becomes emotion by including memories of other fearful experiences or dread of future difficulties,) the fear is quelled. What comes up more and more now instead of fear, is a mild interest, sometimes amusement, but always faith that what is occurring is reflecting to me what I need to recognize in the moment.

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It is not possible to find harmony in our lives when it is filled with fear.  Sometimes letting go of fear is as easy as taking a deep breath, and finding our faith or compassion in the moment.  Sometimes it is as difficult as a dark night of the soul, where we face our fear by understanding that what we fear is a part of us, and accepting the divinity of all that we are by letting go of every ”thing” in our experience. 

The emotion of fear needs to be recognized and released, so that we can feel our harmony.   Life with an unattached and fearless viewpoint allows us to live in tune with the infinite.  

All material copyrighted 2010: excerpt, All About Living, Molly Brogan
 Artwork by Rachelle.   Many thanks.

The Death of a Character Gives Life New Meaning

Jim said...

I finally got around to reading your book, remember me, something I've been meaning to do for awhile. One question, why did you kill of your main character?

This is a great question, Jim, thanks for asking it. The Mary Margaret character in Remember Me died for reasons intrinsic to both the story of Remember Me and to the larger story of my trilogy of novels. Each of my three novels examines love and loss from different viewpoints, and all three together examine love, life and death, as they fundamentally effect our experience.

Because Remember Me was written as a plea for reform in US family courts, it was important for the main character to die because each year, thousands of people take their own lives or have their lives taken as a result of the ineptitude of the US family court system. To research my book, I spent countless hours in family court, listening to these stories and interviewing litigants. There is an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness in domestic violence cases because weak laws, inexperienced State's Attorneys, and burned out judges allow cases to go unresolved or perpetrators to go free, empowered to continue the violence. The death of this character and destruction of this family was a common story in US family court.

Looking at the larger canvas of the trilogy, on the journey of the spirit, the death of the ego is the first step to be taken toward enlightenment. Some say, for instance, that the Tibetan Book of the Dead is actually a manual for ego death. The Mary Margaret character in Remember Me never catches on to this process as she cannot let go of her egotistical concerns, and suffers her losses, defining herself with loss and pain. Because this is a dead end for a journey of the spirit, her death frees her spirit to begin again.

In the second novel, Chasing Twilight, the character is resurrected, and begins to understand the importance of ego death and resurrection of being – or consciousness raising. So, her journey can continue and the concept of death takes on new meaning. With death, comes rebirth and the cycle of life is felt in the soul.

This will bring up interesting questions in the third novel, Shadow Dancing: What is death? What parts of us die while we live? How is this integral to being and becoming?

I sincerely hope you enjoy the stories and the concepts. Thanks again.

Artwork by Moira Marshall Many thanks.

Personal Mythology Expressed in Dream

Callie said...
One of the things I like most about Remember Me is the dream diary. Does this have anything to do with shadow?

This is a great question, Callie. In Remember Me, Mary Margaret takes the wonderful first step necessary in understanding her dreams at a very early age. She begins a dream journal at the suggestion of her mother, who does not want to have to hear about them anymore. This is significant to the character because while it gives Mary Margaret a place to record and examine her dreams, she is also given the message that they are not worth attention. So, throughout her life, she records her dreams, but does little interpretation or integration of the dreaming process.

I see our sleep time as a time for our body-soul-spirit to relate in ways unfettered by conscious constructs. Vivid dreaming, creative dreaming, and dream analysis are all wonderful processes wherein our soul speaks to our mind and spirit in ways that allow our conscious, continual becoming. The spoken language here is symbols, devices by which ideas often too complex or highly charged to articulate in ordinary language are transmitted. Developing a personal mythology of dream symbols involves using a body of personal myths to form a system for organizing one's conception of reality and guiding day-to-day behavior. Mary Margaret’s soul was instructing her to examine shadow through her dreams, she did not understand because she never learns the language.

Writing the dream journal in Remember Me was like writing a novel within a novel. I began by establishing symbols that were related to Mary Margaret’s current age and daily events, but also her collective unconscious. I then developed the symbols in her dreams to speak to her of life unfolding – trying always to guide her into becoming through soul. It was one of my favorite parts of writing the book and you may see this device used again sometime in the future! Dreaming, and all it can offer us, is a true joy for me! Thanks for asking.

Dreams as expressions of soul and spirit

Kim said...
I very much enjoyed the dream journal entries in Remember Me. It seemed to me that Mary's dreams changed as she aged, the way an adult dreams differently than a child. How did you develop the dream journal for this character?

Thanks for your post, Kim. I liked it so much I thought it would make a great stand alone discussion. I did indeed develop the dream journal entries like a story of their own, that might reveal the maturation process and character of Mary. There are many theories about what our dreams might mean. I do think that we have many different kinds of dreams and that dreaming serves a function in our expression and development.

Like Jung, I think that sometimes our dreams can form around symbols that mean more to our soul or spirit than they do to our conscious mind. I tried to develop these symbols in the dreams throughout Mary's life to tell us the story of how her soul cried out for recognition and freedom. Mary's inability to recognize this contributed to her confusion and demise. She was not self aware enough to see the patterns in these symbols or look within herself for the direction they might give her. Her dream journal habit was, to her, like an exercise for the physical body that does not include the Zen for the rest of her. All parts of ourselves need to be communicating and integrated, and here she fell short.

Thanks again for this insightful question. Molly Brogan